Becca and Maddie's BRAIN FART of HP MADNESS!
by KeiraGrange
Summary: Yes, you heard correctly... Brains can now FART! A tentalising story of love, meat pies, tutus, purple pumps, Ron kissing a GIRL...OMG! and Voldemort dressed in a particularly fitting bath robe... MUST READ FOR HP RANDOMS!


**Hi Fanficcers,**

**Guess what? If you've been waiting for the delicious and nutritious installment of BECCA AND MADDIES BRAIN FART OF HARRY POTTER MADNESS... you have come to the right place! Low fat and 99% sugar free, this tasty story will leave you hungry for MORE! But there is a rule: You view, You REVIEW. Got it?**

Here is the love list:  
Ron loves Maddie and Maddie loves Ron  
Lavender loves Ron  
Hermione loves Snape and Snape loves Hermione, so does Dumbledore  
Becca is Becca  
Maddie also loves Oliver Wood who loves Maddie  
Hagrid loves Dumbledore  
Charlie, Fred and George are just awesome  
Prof. McGonagle is Prof. McGonagle  
Harry and Draco are in love  
Ginny loves Voldemort and vice versa  
****

**Enjoy!! .KG.**

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Becca and Maddie's Brain Fart of Harry Potter Madness

One day at Hogwarts, Harry Potter decided to stalk Draco. He wanted to make out with his boyfriend after he gave Draco the cake he made him.  
"Thank you Harry, sexy darling." Draco cried. "How did you know I liked passionfruit and dragons dung?"  
Harry just smiled and giggled a little before standing in front of the surveillance camera following Draco to hide it from view.  
"Well," Harry began to blush a deep shade of purple. "I was thinking we could, you know, head up to the astronomy tower and-"  
"HARRY!!" screamed Ginny as she ran into the room with a tutu on holding a meat pie. "VOLDY'S HERE!"  
"Who?" Harry asked.  
Ginny frowned.  
"Voldy…" she said slowly.  
"Voldy?" Harry asked.  
"You know!"

"VOL-DE-MORT!" she yelled.  
Harry scratched his chin, clearly forgetting the murderer of his parents and noticing his 5 o'clock stubble begin to thrive again.  
"Shit!" Harry said.  
"See, you know Voldemort," Ginny said.  
"No, I forgot to shave!" Harry said.

Ginny slapped her forehead, forgetting the meat pie in her hand and thus pulverising gravy-ish mush all over her head. While she ran around screaming, Draco untangled himself from Harry after noticing a random piece of brown asparagus protruding from the top of his cake.  
What is that random piece of brown asparagus doing on top of my cake?" Harry stopped touching Draco's nose and began looking at the brown twig-like thing on top of Draco's cake.  
"Hey, I've seen that brown, twig-like asparagus thing before! I wonder to whom it belongs…"  
Hermione, as if on cue, burst into the room white-faced as the three speculated why the brown twig-like thing had the initials; "H.G" engraved into it. Draco squealed.  
"Oh my Gollyfaggles!" he cried. "This asparagus belongs to a **H**airy **G**oblin!"  
"Oh yeah! "**H.G**"!" Ginny exclaimed.  
"HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY WAND?" Hermione yelled. Harry, Draco and Ginny exchanged blank looks. They looked at the cake and then back at Hermione.  
"Nope," Ginny said. "We've only discovered this piece of brown asparagus with "H.G" engraved into it…"  
Hermione's eyes widened. "That's mine!" she cried, looking enviously at Ginny's tutu. Ginny giggled and sucked her toe in panic.  
Hermione sighed. "That's alright, Gin. Now back to finding my wand. Good luck with the Hairy Goblin asparagus! They are very magical!"  
Hermione walked out and Harry, Draco and Ginny noticed toilet paper hanging from Hermione's robe. Draco went to say something, but Harry raised his finger to his lips.  
"Shh…" Harry said while enchanting the toilet paper to dance.  
All of the sudden, Harry felt a sharp pain pierce his scar and consequently began breathing heavily in his Harry-like breathing way.  
"Voldemort is near!" he shrieked, hiding under the table. Ginny slapped her head once more.  
"I thought you didn't know who he was!" Ginny yelled.  
Draco, who actually just poked Harry in the head, rolled his eyes. "Gosh, I just wanted to know what it would feel like… I'm going to eat my cake now, brown asparagus included!" he announced.  
He lifted the cake from the table and moved towards the door, but before he could open it, it burst open revealing the Dark Lord himself, in a bright pink dressing gown.  
"Hello," Voldemort said pleasantly. "Has anyone seen my cat?"  
Hermione suddenly appeared looking quite furious.  
"Back off bitch, Crookshanks is MINE!" she yelled.  
Shocked by Hermione's appearance, Draco threw his cake in the air. It flew across the room, falling through the table Harry was hiding beneath and covering him in passionfruit and dragon's dung. The brown asparagus stick thing got stuck up Harry's nose making him start sneezing furiously. Voldemort let out an excited squeal.  
"Yeeee, heehehe! Is that a brown asparagus stick thing with the initials "H.G" engraved into it meaning Hob Goblin in Harry's nose?" He asked.  
"No," said Ginny, "It's a brown asparagus stick thing with the initials "H.G" meaning Hairy Goblin in Harry's nose!"  
"I must have it for my WHOREcrux!" Voldemort yelled.  
"Don't you mean, 'horcrux'?" Hermione asked.  
"How could I be a pimp with a 'horcrux ' silly girl?" he retorted.  
"How could you be a pimp with a bright pink bathrobe?" asked Draco.  
"And a blonde curly wig?" said Harry.  
"And a snake nose?" Ginny said.  
"Mine was better," Harry sniffed, the brown asparagus thing disappearing up his nose. Before he could shriek in surprise, Harry turned into a carrot.  
"My word!" Draco cried.  
"Ooh! CARROT!" Voldemort cried grabbing the carrot, Harry Potter, and running from the classroom.  
"This carrot will go deliciously with my roast lamb and mint jelly!" Voldemort exclaimed.  
Harry, now a carrot, was grasped in Voldemort's cold and slimy hand. Hermione covered in cake splatters, Draco and Ginny chased Voldemort who was giggling like Spongebob down the corridor. Suddenly, a fluttering letter landed in Hermione's hands causing her to stop running and Draco and Ginny to run into one another.  
"I have to go!" she squealed and ran in the direction of Prof. Snape's office. Draco and Ginny struck by confusion decided to continue running and chase the giggling Voldemort. They reached the bottom of the stairs preparing to split up to find the Dark Lord when they noticed him arguing with a blonde haired girl named Kellie.  
"I want chicken, not lamb!" she screamed, making Voldemort jump.  
"But I hate chicken!" Voldy said.  
The blonde girl flipped her hair.  
"Haven't you seen the chicken ad? If you don't like chicken there is something VERY wrong with you!"  
"Hey, I have that chicken spray!" Ginny cried enthusiastically, gathering evil looks from everyone except Voldemort. Voldemort began to sing:

**(It's Not Easy Being Mean)**

"It's not easy being mean,  
Everybody thinks I'm out to get them but,  
I'm really clean!  
I went to rehab with Amy…  
(Back up singers: Winehouse!)

"STOP!" Draco yelled. "Do you want to wreck my FUCKING EARS!?"  
Ginny comforted Draco by patting his shoulder. Draco shrugged off her hands.  
"Get your heterosexual hands off of me!" he yelled.  
"I want my Harry!" he cried dropping to the floor and smacking his fists into concrete. Suddenly, Harry the carrot turned back into Harry…  
"Are those BOOBS?" Draco screamed, his face turning white. Harry twirled around and magic-ed his clothing into a bright red, barely covering anything dress.  
"Ohh, Draccccco…" Harry purred and Draco jumped to his feet and ran away.  
"Damn, I knew the dress would be too much…" Harry said.

Ron walked around the corner, hand in hand, with his purple pump wearing girlfriend Maddie aka Keira Grange. Everyone knew about her 150 IQ and A+ average, not to mention her 11 out of 10 legs.  
Ron looked at the pink robed Voldemort, transsexual Harry, pie-faced Ginny and homosexual Draco in the hallway. Maddie giggled and stumbled on her heels.  
"Ruddy 'ell! I don't know how you walk in those things!" Ron said to Maddie. She shrugged.  
"You can try them on if you want…" Maddie said.  
"Haha, no thanks lovey…" Ron said and began to kiss her and dance the tango with Maddie which failed because of the heels.  
Maddie looked at the transsexual Harry and raised her oak and Pegasus feather wand.  
"Holl-eh-ASPARAGUS!" she cried, transforming Harry the Transsexual into just plain Gay Harry and the forcing the brown asparagus to shoot painfully out his-  
"ARGH!" Harry screamed.

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Did you like it?? Now remember the rule: REVIEW!!

.KG.

PS. SPECIAL MEGA THANKS TO BECTARD- MY FREAKY BRO!!


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